I was supposed to be on a Greyhound bus last night and in Portland within the next two hours from now, but instead I'm laying in my bed drinking coffee. For two or three months, whenever I would think about going to Portland I would just start to feel stressed about the trip and it would ruin my day. I'm not sure why, it just happened, I guess there were some factors about visiting Portland this year that were different then years past, but my anxiety was starting to feel out of control. Cutting back on coffee and taking herbal stress relief pills weren't helping either. Yesterday when I woke up, immediately stressed, and started to pack, I decided "fuck it, I don't want to go so why am I going?". and I stayed home.
I have just come out of a year long depression and really don't want to end up back in one. I know triggers for me can be making myself do things I don't want to do or stressballing to the point where I lose it. I think it was the right thing for me to do for myself and have no regrets. I will miss seeing all the rad zines at the symposium, but maybe next time.
In other news, I made a mixtape... I'm not sure why I ended up putting so much effort into illustrating a track listing for a tape so short.